Thursday, 22 April 2010


OK, so 123 on today's scales. Have posted it on the sidebar in a talismanic-cosmic-touch-wood that it won't whizz back up to 1,0004985462384 the next time I step gingerly onto my fate.

Fuck, that's my lowest adult weight. Probably my lowest weight since I was about 11.

Now all I need to do is NOT panic. NOT suddenly inhale lard and NOT do death by pastry in case anyone is pissed off that I have left their comfort zone.

Oops, already did that. Have to say, not everyone is pleased about this. One less thing to feel superior about for my family.

Not my problem. I'm not staying fat just to make my family feel smug - I am cleverer, more honest and more ambitious than all of them, and now I have stopped being The Fat One. So funny watching them all pretend not to notice.

Well guess what? I didn't do it for them , not any of it. Call me dull and self-obsessed because I want to be skinny? Think that says rather more about all of them than it does me. Time to spend a LOT less time around them.

1 comment:

  1. I really love this post, there is so much truth in it, in such lovely manner, like you don´t care and you don´t even need to get mad about it.
    I love it.
    I really agree that many groups of people need to find a place for everybody. Maybe in your case, you were the fat or not-skinny-enough one. This makes all the others feel superior, and because they still like or love you, they are such a nice bunch, caring and so-not-shallow. In my case, I am always the strange and weird one, complicated, weak, although I do not feel like this at all...
    Now you are losing weight, you come close to their range, making them leaving their comfort zone, exactly as you posted it. Now, they cannot feel so special around you. And even if they wanted to make you feel good, they do not find the strength to tell you: Wow, you look amazing, how did you do it?
    Because if they say: You are not a fatty anymore, it becomes reality. They have to re-label you. In the case of my surrounding, my new label would be eating-disordered...
    Sometimes I guess all the appearing motives and habits are just a sing of things deep down. Superiority, insecurity, the need to be regarded as a "good person".
    By the way, I guess it would make you proud if someone would tell you: You look amazing, you are doing so good, how do you do it? They could make you feel so good...

    Anyway, in my opinion, you are doing great, I am sure you are looking awesome, and I hope I can do as good as you...