12.v

Haven't posted for a bit as been faffing about with the elusive goddamn scales, and forgetting that the odd nibble here and there actually registers. No lying from them. Though clothes are literally hanging off me. Wonder if 119 might not be a good place to stop before I look skeletal - not too attractive at my age...

Anyway, am low low low and re-motivated today to stick to what we KNOW works - soup, diet coke, coffee and the odd handful of grapes.

8 stone 7 for my birthday on Saturday?

19.iii

Lovely comments, thank you so much. What a difference it makes to log on and see that the outpourings and mad little thoughts have resonated somewhere.

Scale has settled on 129, couple of days post-target but we'll take it.

Got a tricky weekend of celebrating a couple of lovely things, but have offered to do the entertaining which works on a lot of levels:

• It's my menu, my safe choices are in there, even if I eat 'normal' amounts, it will be clean and healthy fish and veg and rice
• I can belt about getting drinks and making up beds and burning calories
• I will not be guilted into eating fattening stuff that someone else has slaved over

That, and reading a lot of these blogs, makes me so happy I am older and not longer under my parents' roof.

Thank fuck.

I wish you all a lovely weekend - be kind to yourselves and strong, remember the bigger picture and that there are so many wonderful non-food related things to do in this world.

1.iii

God, the utter utter bliss of sunshine - March at last, Easter on the way and spring around the corner.

Scales, fuck, gnash, fell fleetingly to 134 on saturday and whizzed back up to 136 today. But I know that this is to be expected and slow and steady wins the race.

And today, after a month of hardly eating a thing, I am wearing a beautiful skirt with a massive belt hoiking it up. The last time I wore it, last winter, it was snug. Today I look like an orphan.

Any clues on the effects of fasting on mood? I have been feeling wonderful today, despite the naughty scales and I wonder if it's more than just a glimpse of sun?

I feel so much more sorted, in control. Less blown about by the whims of every other fucker and actually writing my own story. As though control over what I eat (and don't drink) translates into the ability to concentrate and achieve in other areas.

I have really enjoyed work today. I bought a hyacinth and an unusual silver pot to keep it in on my desk.