21.iv

Future perfect? Way too much of the future tense in my head - when I'm thin, I will...

Bollocks to that. I am thinking of myself as the skinny one from now on. That will inform all my choices. I am skinny because I choose to exist on diet coke, coffee, fruit and soup. I am skinny because the fat-oozing cakes and cheese and everything else hold absolutely no appeal to me.

I am the skinny one in my group of friends not always moaning about being fat, being hungry, having a crap metabolism, whinge whinge.

I might not LOOK like the skinny minnie right at this exact moment, but if I keep sabotaging myself by thinking I am waiting until I am thin for my life to start, I'll be here a fucking long time.

Suck on that, stuck scales...

25.iii

Managing to stay purely on liquids, low calorie soups and coffee coffee coffee...

I do think half the battle here is boredom-management. We all seem to be fine during the day when we're busy and active and as soon as we are home and at a loose end near the fridge, the danger starts.

Think I might need to find more absorbing stuff to do after work and before I can realistically piss off to bed.

Have spent the day talking loudly in meetings to drown the sound of my gurgling and empty stomach and being super-busy returning calls over lunch to avoid the wonderful buffet. A lady followed me with some cake, it was my favourite kind EVER. I sent it back, though she said 'I didn't see you have lunch.' I told her I suffer from IBS, that shut her up.

Looked good, but my increasingly baggy (gah, and very expensive) suit feels much better than it would have tasted.

Stay strong and willowy ladies.