27.ii

Scales. I've despised them for years, those fucking awful mornings morphing into weeks, where the numbers just scream 'you obese bitch,' and off you go to stuff the disappointment and despair down under bread, cereal, more bread and butter, whatever isn't nailed down basically.

So what the hell was I thinking buying whizzy electronic all-singing all-dancing ones this week? Well not stuffing my face any more, starving and restricting, means that the numbers, at this point anyway, are going downwards in a beautiful symphony.

I know that this rate will not continue. But while it does, the music makes me smile secretly all day.

Especially this morning when I watched five friends eat sandwiches, sausage rolls and crisps and drink full fate lattes, after breakfast and before they went home for lunch.

I know I am unkind to feel it, but the sense of superiority as my stomach rumbles and they shovelled crap down their necks (and two of them have cried on my shoulder about being overweight) was the nicest taste I have had in weeks.

I have had miso soup and normal soup all week, picked at some salad and chicken when I had to go out for dinner and I believe that each day has been well under 500, probably under 300, but always best to round up, eh?

I'm now going to lie on my bed and watch a dvd - have walked miles with my dog and I'm frozen.

Reading the inspirational posts you brave ladies write makes me feel that maybe this will finally be my time to be thin. Ribs are already showing and my stomach is flat. Odd, given that I weigh tons still. But I want to be thin so I can finally buy the beautiful clothes I have always lusted after and only buy them ONCE.

In a TINY size.